Hiatus.
September 6, 2024
As you can tell, if you follow my blog even semi-religiously, I have taken a short hiatus from posting. I have actually taken a hiatus from a few things since we last spoke. I am currently taking a hiatus from sleeping, as it is 2:30 in the morning and my mind is doing nothing but spinning.
One reason I took a hiatus from publishing anything was that I was on vacation. And, while I could have pre-written a post and scheduled it to post on Thursday (my aimed posting day although I am posting this on Friday), I didn’t because I didn’t want to. I didn’t have anything I loved and wanted to put out, so I didn’t put anything out. Simple as that. I would say that is a perk of being your own boss and running your own publication, but I don’t make money from this nor gain any sense of notoriety so I’m not sure “boss” and “publication” are exactly the most fitting words to use in this scenario.
I would love to say that I have taken a hiatus from many vices of mine during the past few weeks. Like, hello world, I took a hiatus from sugar! (I binged a bunch of mini m&m’s about an hour ago.) I also took a hiatus from drinking! (I was just on vacation.) Not only these horrible horrible vices, but I also took a hiatus from the woman’s sin: gossiping! (I run a blog where all I do is post my thoughts.) I also took a hiatus from boys because, duh, I’m boysober now. (Unfortunately, this is untrue! And actually resulted in my phone being stolen? Yeah.)
The one thing I actually did take a hiatus from was having a phone. As alluded to in my very clever very Sex-and-the-City inspired previous paragraph: I got my phone stolen. In a foreign country. On my girls trip. At 3:00 in the morning but that is not relevant to this article and is a story for another time.
For the last few days of my vacation with my girls, I was rocking the 55€ red flip-phone circa 2002-Britney-Spears with limited calls, no texting ability, and enough storage for one singular picture. Needless to say, I was the sexiest and most put-together girl in Europe at that moment. Only beat out by my sexier and more put-together friends who dealt so graciously with me freaking out over my phone being stolen the night (morning) before I was gifted (purchased) the holy-grail of knock-off Nokias. Round of applause for Lauren and Julia.
I know what you’re thinking here: Oh great. She’s going to talk about how freeing and grounding and life-changing it was to live without a phone for a few days and how she now feels present and aware and grateful for the beautiful world around her and blah blah blah blah blah. Yes, it was grounding and all that shit but to be completely honest, not having a phone felt almost no different compared to having one. Other than the fact that I couldn’t readily take pictures of things and my mom couldn’t notify me anyways with her texts even though I am on “Do Not Disturb” for a reason (!!!!!), there wasn’t really that much of a difference in my life. I didn’t feel more or less present in my activities. I didn’t miss it but I also didn’t consider not getting a new one. It was just like… whatever.
That’s what I think is so powerful about a hiatus. In order for a hiatus – a pause in the process of living – to really be effective, it needs to almost go unnoticed. Like yeah I had no phone and it was irritating listening to Spotify on my iPad on the plane but also kinda whatever. I didn’t think too much about it. A hiatus isn’t a reflection. It is a break. A time not to consider how things affect your life, but a time to ignore said things completely. Reflection can come later (like, for instance, right now).
You would think that someone who loves Instagram and texting their little friends as much as I do would struggle immensely. But, I can’t say that I struggled at all. It wasn’t a struggle but it wasn’t a revelation. It was just life going on as if I didn’t get my phone stolen, because life waits for no one.
After getting a new phone during my subsequent trip back to my hometown, I noticed that my life had not significantly changed from before the tech-hiatus, nor during the tech-hiatus, nor after the tech-hiatus. I still kinda slept like shit. I still got the mid-day headache. I still zoned out playing with my hair at meals (my mother would have a heart attack reading this). I still responded to my messages in a relatively timely manner. So, what is the use of carrying around a phone if it does not really improve my life all that much?
The triumph and folly of technology answers this question. Why carry around a phone? To be reachable. I missed seeing the TikToks my friends sent in our group chats. I missed being able to respond to DMs when I want to, and not when I have wifi on my iPad. I missed being able to check my bank accounts and see if I had really budgeted well for my trip or if I was in deep shit. I had to print out my boarding pass at the airport for god’s sake. I missed being able to call my mom and dad and send them pictures of my trip and update them on my flight home. I was, for all intents and purposes, unreachable. Which did suck.
But also, I was unreachable. No one could bother me if I did not want them to. I never had to answer a phone call I didn’t want to take. I could take forever to respond to a text with a completely valid reason as to why. I was fully independent because no one could depend on me. Which, for a few days, was a nice break. A nice hiatus.
I am thankful to have a phone again, though. I’m happy to get to look at the pictures from my trip and send some to my mom. I like being present in conversations, even if they are online. I like being there for people. I like being reachable. I like people knowing they can reach out to me. And I will answer.